Waiting in the Darkness, Releasing the Damned
by Miztical-Dragon
Summary: [Oneshots]Deathfics Parts 2 and 3 of I'm only Human: I'm tired of living, everything I once was is dead. How can I ask for something like this? How can I ask the man I love to kill me?
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, but if I did...**_

_**Waiting in the Darkness**_

By Miztikal-Dragon

The sun was setting behind the mountains again, the orange, blue, and purple hues filling the sky as if it was a rainbow. Days had turned into weeks, and weeks into months and still there was no sign of him. The Sakura trees had bloomed with their beautiful flowers, but now they covered the ground, the tree dying after the long spring. It was like living in the fall knowing that death was upon you and having no way to save yourself.

That's how I feel everyday.

I can tell you some happy story about the "good ol' days" but those are nothing but memories that ache when I recall them. They are my punishment for being human, my uncertainties that leave me with nothing but pathetic weaknesses. I thank Buddha everyday that InuYasha and Kagome took me in and practically nursed me back to health, but now I feel as though it was all in vain; I had nothing to offer but a hollow smile. I'm no more the person who I was, I'm dead inside and it will be nothing short of a miracle when the rest of me follows.

Closing my eyes momentarily, I let the gentle breeze flow through my onyx hair, the smell of freedom tickling my senses, it was teasing me because I feel nothing but caged. Getting up from my spot and stepping completely outside, I leave the small town behind me and wander off. I was always good at doing that when I was younger, well at least before I met **_HIM_**.

A smile of sadness graces my lips as I continue my journey towards InuYasha's forest, the wet grass was ice cold underneath my feet sending chills up my spine. It had been raining a lot in the past couple of days, and it matched my mood like a glove. Letting my vision dance lazily at the peaceful scenery around me, I disappear into the foliage, I don't want to be found. All I want is to be alone.

Birds sing their sweet melody from the trees surrounding me, at least their songs know nothing but happiness, they know nothing of heartache or desperation to hold onto something slipping like water through their fingers. (okay so their wings) Touching the rough bark with my pale fingers, I trace the grooves made from claw marks, demons were all around this place and I wish one would find me.

I heard so many stories from Shippo about how important the forest was to the group of 'misfits'. I liked to call them that since I felt that that's what they were, just misfits who had come together and made the world a little better to live in. Honestly, those stories repulsed me, they filled my heart with so much jealousy that I was blinded by it while I lay waiting for sleep to consume me, waiting for the darkness. How could Kagome get such a happy ending while I was left in the dust. I deserved it more than she did, I had been through so much more than she had, I was the better person!

Looking angrily towards the Goshinboku, I cursed under my breath. I learned it from InuYasha, and by myself I used those words more than he could even imagine. If anyone heard such words coming from my mouth, I'm sure they'd blush, no one ever thinks that I can be anything but a child, but I'm NOT! Finding myself a secluded place to rest, I slowly sit down and play with the grass, tearing it from the ground like I was something that could be in control.

The sun's light was almost gone and I knew that it would be a wise decision to head back towards the village, the place that I learned so long ago was my permanent home, but I refuse to let myself get up. If it was home then why wasn't he there? I heard the pervert monk say that 'home is where the heart is' once or twice, but does that mean my heart is still with **_HIM_**.

As sad as it may seem I still do not have the strength in me to say my beloved's name, its like begging the gods to let me die, impossible. Letting my head rest in my hands I sigh heavily, I could feel the anger building in my heart, bridging to the boiling point. I could feel the inner rage aflame in my being. My knees begin to go numb from sitting on them for so long, I'm still not used to it and it's not like I can sit like I want to in this light colored kimono that probably now has grass stains, but its not like I care.

Grasping my hair in my hands, I tug at the long locks of onyx strands and try to relieve the stress dwelling inside. My body trembles as I tuck myself into a tighter ball, I'm just not strong enough for this, I can't stand myself, or anything. I hate my humanity, I hate everything about this fucking place that it makes me sick. It makes me want to cut my flesh into pieces. Screaming out my frustration as the clouds roll in and the rain falls in tiny droplets. The anger that I harvested since that one day spills out of me like bile and even if I wanted to, I can't stop myself from screaming to the heavens. I need to be released from this hell.

Long but not forgotten tears prickle at the back of my eyes, their warmth singing at my lashes and threaten to fall, and I struggle to hold them back. My nails digging into my scalp, pulling hair from my head, my screams turning into anguished cries. I'm breaking for real, everything I once held onto for dear life melted before my very eyes, there is nothing to keep me sane. I can feel the unwelcome warm water slip from my eyes, followed by more of the same. I've sprung a leak, my body is crying, crying for something that even I know will never happen. Crying because the only thing I have left is myself and that's nothing to be proud of because I am a monster. I'm human, a fucking human and it makes me scum of scum.

I can't breathe, my throat is soar but I am able to wrench a gasp and suck in a lung full of oxygen, my chest pounding fiercely, my body shuddering from the tears, the cold of the rain, and my exhaustion. I don't have much left, I don't have the strength to carry on. I just can't go on like this. I'm soaked to the bone by the time I'm able to regain composure over myself, its pathetic how weak I am, how ugly of a creature I am. A disgrace to the beauty that is him;

That is My Sesshomaru.

Tired sobs are all that I have left now, I don't know what to do, but I can feel them on me again and I pray that it is my guardian of death. I've noticed the feel of burning in my shoulder before, many times before, but I've been able to ignore it until now. I was strong enough to keep going, but now I'm nothing but an empty corpse waiting for the darkness, waiting for someone to set me free. The rain it falls harder and through blurry eyes I can see the pink color of my skin from the cold rain, fate is a cruel mistress and I bet anything that she'll laughing her pretty ass off right now.

Getting slowly to my feet like a weak baby doe, I grasp the tree next to me as a lifeline, my knees are shaking and they threaten to buckle underneath my weight, they eyes I feel staring holes into my back are getting closer.

"Show yourself!" I demand, my voice holds authority, but laced with such hatred. Innocence had deserted me so long ago, but then again so had he.

Rustling of bushes let me know that there is something hiding from me, the sun is now gone and darkness is chased away by the full moon. There is no eternal night for me or for the person who leaves me breathless. Silver hair blows into the moon's light and my eyes grow wide as I see him for the first time since he abandoned me. I see him but not as a demon striking fear into the hearts of every living thing, I see him as a demon yet my demon none the less.

"Rin," my body trembles at his words, the tone was too hard for me to understand I don't recognize it! I DON'T.

"Sess-" His name dies on my lips as my legs turn to goo and I fall to the ground, mud covering my kimono.

His deep amber eyes stare into my own brown ones, how can this be? He left me! I was no longer needed, why is he here? I'm human! I'm HUMAN! Only a pathetic human so why does he look at me with those eyes with an emotion that I can't understand. WHY? Grinding my teeth as he steps towards me, I fight back the urge I have to beg for him to take me away from this place. I didn't leave him he left me, so I wasn't going to beg like a dog for him to take me back, for him to try and let me live with him no matter how horrible I am. No matter how much of a intolerable being I am in comparison to anything remotely good.

I don't remember what happened next, but the next thing I know is that I'm wrapped up in something warm, but I'm freezing. Its dark all around me, but the shadows of a fire surround the now brown walls. I'm in a cave, go figure huh? Moving my head to the side, I smell his scent and glancing up I see his amber eyes watching me with vigil, I can't elude them. His clawed hand gingerly dances across my forehead brushing my bangs from my face and I shudder at the touch.

"You're sick again," I knew it already. Kagome had told me the day before that I was coming down with something called 'pneumonia'. "Rest your eyes, I'll be here when you wake."

I let a genuine smile come to my lips at his words, he was lying and we both knew it. I'm not as stupid as I once was, I understand what he was saying, I'm sick. Again, but this time in more ways than one.

"N-" My throat hurt so badly and I could feel the tears prickling at the back of my eyes. "Yo-you left me. I-I--I can't sleep."

His eyes narrowed at my words, two wrongs don't make a right--An eye for an eye, a lie for a lie. In fact I wanted to sleep, I could feel it trying to pull me back, but I fought against it, I wanted to stay just a while longer.

"Rest your eyes Rin," He wasn't asking me and I could feel a twinge of pain in my heart. Always he was so cold, never bending. "I'll wait for you here, I will not leave you again."

"Y-you may not want to leave me," They fell now and his clawed hand wiped my tears away, our eyes never leaving each other. "But this time it will--I'm leaving instead."

"I won't let you," He growled angrily trying to argue his way out of it. I knew he had Tenseiga--but only my body would heal, my mind and heart was another story.

"P-please," I was begging now, my weakness coming out of its hidden place. Pathetic human needs, curse my nature! "Please Sesshomaru… I'm so tired, I wanna be free. I can't-I don't want to--"

"No!" I recognize the desperation in his voice as his nose scrunched up. "I refuse to let you--I need yo--Rin I forbid you to leave me."

He needs me.

It was then that the anger of the past left me like a cold breeze in the summer, he needed me. Of course I know what he really meant, even as stupid as I am I know that he didn't want me to leave him. It was love for him that I feel that kept me going like a mindless zombie for so long. It was love for him that I was able to wait in the darkness hoping that one day he'd return and proclaim his love for me and whisk me away to his castle where we would live happily ever after.

It was my belief for something in return that made me run until there was nothing left. Fairy tales, happy endings, they can't exist for me, not with how I am. Not with how messed up everything became. Love evaded me as if I was the black plague, taking with it everything that I needed to survive. It took Sesshomaru away from me once, and now it was me who was being taken prisoner.

"Release me," it was a plea that broke my heart, but I need it. I need to be free from the sadness, from the heartache. I need to start over, but completely over, if the gods permitted it. "I don't want to suffer anymore. Please Sesshomaru--I beg of you, please release me from this world."

There was no declaration of love from his mouth, someone like him couldn't say the words, he was too strong of a demon to admit to himself when he was defeated by emotions. Emotions that belonged to worthless humans.

"Rin," ice cold, he was hiding his emotions from me once again, but something was different this time. He had made his choice and I struggled to comfort him, my arm throbbing with pain as it lay limply over his own. My fingers curling around his, but their grasp wasn't enough, I didn't have the strength to hold his hand.

"Wait for me," he told me as he leaned forward placing a chaste kiss on my forehead. "Wait for me in the darkness and I'll find you. I-I am sorry."

I laughed a little, the tears sliding down my face in appreciation. He was letting me go. Letting out a heavy sigh as his clawed fingers wrapped around mine, I let my eyes flutter close. Sure it wasn't an ending that I ever thought would happen but it was one that I was thankful for. At least I got him to say that he loved me, not in those exact words, but I knew that he meant it with the way his eyes looked at me.

Yes I would be waiting for him in the darkness, and when he finally arrives I will welcome him with open arms and a smiling face. This time my smile will be a real one, and then I can search for my 'fairy tale ending' for my happiness.

_**End. **_

**_E/N: _**Well I can offically say that I cried while typing this. Not the ending that I was thinking, but I'm glad that I ended it this way. Flames will be accepted because lets face it, I'm sure that there are some people who will hate me, and that's just spiffy. What ever fits your fancy.

Special thanks to Kristen who asked if I was going to write a sequel, she got the plot bunnies working and then I just went at it. OO and I would like to thank The WallFlowers' song "One Headlight" its the song I was listening to while writting it. If you haven't heard the song, you should go listen to it. It's one of my personal favorites.

-Krystal-


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, nope not at all. **_

_Okay this is it people, the final part of the three part angst-fest of "I'm only human" It was a little harder to write than I thought, but I hope you get what I'm trying to say! _

_READ and REVIEW please!_

_**Releasing the damned**_

By **Miztikal-Dragon**

I believe that there are some things in life that we cannot change. Maybe it's a form of weakness that some cannot get over, a disease that is incurable but soothed only by death. The innocent and pure are the ones that are so easily swayed by the darkness in their hearts and led down a road of tragedy and misery that some will never find the strength to carry on.

I don't honestly know what went wrong with Rin, but I can take a wild guess that I know probably would be right. I watched her grow up in a weird way, I mean not in a weird pedophile way, but we'd see each other from time to time. She wasn't that young when she came to live with me and Kagome, but that's where I think it was the beginning of the end for her.

She always looked so sad as she watched the forest with desperation, her brown eyes pleading with some unseen being to grant her the impossible. Sure she wore her emotions on her sleeve, Kagome said so herself, but this was really pathetic. How could one girl hold onto so much hope when there was nothing left for her but the future she refused to see?

It was more than a fact that Sesshomaru was not going to come back for her, it was obvious as the days passed but she still was convinced that there was a chance. All she had to do was wait and then one day he'd be there magically to steal her heart away and take her to an endless field of flowers and happiness.

I spent a lot of my free time watching Rin closely, I had to make sure that she wouldn't intentionally go off to find him, or hurt herself. She wasn't herself and if something happened I'm sure that Kagome would blame me for not being their to protect her, but it wasn't like she really wanted to be protected in the first place.

There was no life left in her eyes.

If there was a way that I could have made things better, you'd better believe I would try my hardest, but you can't fix what's been smashed into a million pieces and buried in the sand. Sometimes it better to let someone go than keep them caged with their misery. The way I look at it, either way she was going to die and I just wanted the pain in her heart to end. The way she carried herself made me think of Kikyo, she was the living dead, a walking corpse looking for a way to end the life that should have never been allowed to live.

it's a selfish way of thinking and I know this, but that night in the rain when it all ended I knew that there was an ominous cloud hanging over everyone's head. What happened that night is unforgettable because no matter how hard some people try, they will always fall short.

There is no salvation for the pure and innocent.

Kagome had watched Rin walk into the forest by herself and naturally sent me to follow the girl, which of course I did. Only I didn't know what was waiting for me in the shadows of the trees, the emptiness that surrounds the weak. I used to be able to say that I never knew anyone who had given up like she had, hell not even my mother had fallen that deep within the darkness of her heart, but Rin had and there was no hope of pulling her through it.

I could smell the sickness radiating off her body, I'm pretty sure that she had stopped eating and her body couldn't protect itself, she was intentionally trying to rid herself of the pain that would never cease while she lived. It was her pain filled screams that tore at my heart, they were the cries of everything that she had lost, and I think it was her way of telling the world that she had nothing else left.

I didn't want to be there, standing hidden by the trees watching her, but it wasn't like I could move my feet, they were refusing to work. I was helpless to do anything to help her. Some people are able to continue on in life if they can cleanse themselves, you know, purge the depression from their hearts as best they can, but not everyone.

I was shocked when she called out, I was like a dear frozen in fear, she knew I was there with her, but not who I was. I don't know why I didn't say anything as I came out of my hiding place, my silver hair plastered against the sides of my face. Drenched from head to toe in the cold rain that fell from the heavens, I couldn't find the words to say, she had sounded so alien to me.

Naturally it was surprising that she didn't yell and scream, but her expression was just as unnerving as she called out his name. She was delusional, and I understood then what made her what she was. I should have known better, but then again I didn't understand how it was possible, how someone who followed my brother around like a lost puppy could fall in love with something so cold and uncaring.

The confusion and pain in her eyes is something that I'll never be able to forget, I knew who she thought I was but I guess the only thing I could do was try and get her out of the rain before her condition became worse. Kagome would skin my hide if Rin died in the rain. However before I could get anywhere near her, the girl collapsed into the mud, me being there must have been just too much for her.

I knew that it would have been better to take her back to the village, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I didn't want anyone to see Rin in such a weak state, I didn't want her to feel guilty about her feelings, about her appearance so I did the first thing that came to mind. I took her to an old and abandoned cave that I knew no one or demons went to.

A fire wasn't hard to start and I took off my haori and covered her with it as best as I could. It wouldn't help in the long run, but I believed that it would help keep her warm. I don't know how long I waited, the fire burning brightly and warming up the damp and smelly cave, but eventually Rin did regain consciousness and I wish that she hadn't because what ended up happening was something that would have broken anybody's heart.

I know that it broke his.

When she looked up at me with her eyes I knew that there was nothing I could do but pretend and give her something happy to hold on to, I didn't want to destroy the only thing left that she was holding onto. So I tried to sound as much like my brother as I could without over doing it, I tried to give Rin what she deserved, what she was robbed of. I gave her words of hope but she only smiled at me and threw them back, knowing that deep down there would be no tomorrow for her.

The darkness had settled into stay, my hands were tied.

I wanted to growl and yell at her in frustration, I didn't want Rin to give up so easily, she had been such a strong girl. And honestly I had admired her strength when she was younger, her blind loyalty to the unknown, but right then she was just too vulnerable. It was killing me. I tried to convince her that giving up wasn't the answer, that things would get better, but she didn't bit the bait, she was giving up all hope.

Listening to the last of her words, her pleas to release her from the hell of living I don't think that I could refuse her anything at the moment. In my own sick and twisted way I would give her what she wanted because it seemed that her suffering was so bad that if she did live it would just be in vain. I'm sure that even Sesshomaru agreed with me.

It was a little ironic that he actually showed up, his white haori not even wet with the rain, I always knew that the weather would bend to Sesshomaru's will, everything usually did. His scent had been faint but I refused to look back at him, my attention was with Rin because the two of us knew what was to come.

I was about to say something to help ease Rin's mind when Sesshomaru's cold voice reached my ears and made my nose scrunch up in distaste, the bastard was finally able to step up and take control, although it was already too late...

"Wait for me," Rin's laugh was harsh, but I have to admit I wanted to do the same thing. "Wait for me in the darkness and I'll find you.."

Of course it was me who added the apology but Rin didn't tell the difference and it wasn't like my brother was capable of saying the words. Rin didn't last too much longer but it was like she was finally at peace with the world, and I didn't understand that when it ended why she was smiling.

Angry tears fell from my eyes as I released Rin's hand and jumped to my feet attacking Sesshomaru with all my built up rage. It was his fault why she had ended this way.

"You're such a fucking bastard!" I screamed as he blocked my punches, evading me easily.

He growled at me then, his cold amber eyes freezing me in place. I had never seen such a look from him and his made my heart skip a beat. Sesshomaru walked around me as if I was nothing and went to Rin's side before picking her up in his arms. When he turned around and looked at me I could see the emotion swirling in his eyes, I think he meant what he said, but how could I be sure? Sesshomaru can be manipulative and cunning when he wants to be.

The rain fell harder from the black clouds and I felt the emptiness in the air as Sesshomaru walked away with her in his arms. In a way I believe that he would go to her, Kagome always said that Sesshomaru really was like our father and me; he had fallen for a human. Maybe it was supposed to be this way, two out of the three Inu-youkai family who were destined to die for their human lovers, but then again I guess I could say that I would go to my death for Kagome. Fate had been kind to me and given me a light at the end of a tunnel.

I died once and got my second chance, however my father nor Sesshomaru were permitted such a thing. I walked slowly back to the village empty handed and when I saw Kagome standing there at the entrance to the hut I couldn't meet her eyes, but she understood.

That night she told me that she was proud of what I did, it was the ultimate sign of mercy I guess. I don't know why I did, but I cried that night in her arms, and Kagome wept too. There are things that we do in life that we don't we don't understand, but it helps us grow as people. Things were never really the same, but Kagome and I did find Rin's burial place and there we found both a broken Tokijin and Tenseiga by the grave sight.

The smell of death was there and I could smell his scent all over the place but there was no sign of Sesshomaru. Kagome told me that she believed that Sesshomaru killed himself and by the looks of it I agreed because it was the only rational answer. There was certainly a story that needed to be told and I did tell it to the rest of the gang, it was something that just had to be said and not left in the dark. People had to learn that there was something greater than life to hold onto.

Even the strongest of youkai could be defeated by an innocent girl's love.

_**-Fin-**_

_**All comments are appreciated. **_

_**-Krystal-**_


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